


ElYu: Love You

by choittobbi, svtfiloficfest



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25764991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choittobbi/pseuds/choittobbi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/svtfiloficfest/pseuds/svtfiloficfest
Summary: Jihoon, a songwriter, was in a slump. Si Soonyoung naman, pumunta sa songwriting camp para magmove-on from his bestfriend na ikakasal na. They went to La Union to discover different things, only to find each other instead.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	ElYu: Love You

**Author's Note:**

> **PROMPT:** LOMI211  
>  **OPM:** Huling Sandali - December Avenue  
>  **Disclaimer: Hindi ang svtfiloficfest o mga mod ang mga manunulat ng kathang ito. Ang mga may-akda ay ita-tag sa araw ng reveals (tatlong araw pagkatapos ma-post ang lahat ng akda.)** Ang mga karakter sa kathang ito ay nakabase sa sariling paglalarawan ng may-akda at hindi nito nirerepresenta kung sino ang mga artista sa kanilang totoong buhay. Hindi layunin ng may-akda ang saktan sila, ang kanilang mga pamilya, o kanilang mga kaibigan. Ang kathang ito at ang mga orihinal na karakter ay pag-aari ng may akda. 
> 
> **Note ni Otor:** To the prompter, thank you for making this prompt. Sorry if hindi ko nalagay yung ibang pairing na gusto mo. I changed some parts of the prompt din pero minor stuff lang naman. I hope mabigyan ko pa rin sya ng justice and mag-enjoy ka!  
> To the MODS, thank you for holding this fic fest! Naenjoy ko talaga yung writing process!  
> To anyone who will read this, sana mag-enjoy kayo <3

**ElYu: Love You**

**_PART 1: PAUSE_ **

Isang panandaliang paghinto— iyan ang nais makuha ni Soonyoung nang pumunta siya sa songwriting camp sa La Union. Oo, wala syang alam na kahit ano tungkol sa pagsusulat ng kanta. Oo, gusto nya lang talagang magpakalayo-layo. Oo, umaasa lamang siya na kahit sandali ay titigil ang pag-ikot ng mundo dahil hilong-hilo na sya sa sakit nyang nararamdaman mula sa tila durog na durog nyang puso. Oo, dinadasal nya na sana tangayin din ng alon lahat ng nararamdaman nya. Because Wonwoo—his bestfriend, his travel buddy, yung taong palihim na minahal at minamahal nya, yung taong hindi sya kahit kailan mamahalin pabalik— is going to marry the love of his life, Mingyu.

Umaga pa lang, ang dami nang experts ang nagsalita sa harapan para ituro yung mga basics— rhythym, melody, lyrics, etc— pero kahit isa, wala namang naintindihan si Soonyoung dito. Sa totoo lang, ang alam nya lang tungkol sa music ay makinig. Hindi katulad ng mga taong nakaupo sa harap, likod, at gilid nya, he has zero experience in writing songs. Sumama lang naman talaga sya sa camp para makalayo saglit. Buti na lang may nakatabi sya na parang ang daming alam tungkol sa music. Kahit anong itanong nya, nasasagot ni-- teka, hindi pa nya alam ang pangalan nito.

“Okay, pwede na kayong lumabas or do whatever you need to do to complete the activity, but please remember that dinner will be served at 7 pm by the beach.” sabi ng speaker. Bigla namang nagpanic si Soonyoung dahil wala siyang idea sa kung ano man yung sinabing activity.

Nang mapansin nyang tumayo ang katabi, agad niyang sinundan ito. He found him at the beach, sitting on the sand alone, lost in his thoughts. “Excuse me. Uhm, ano… I’m Soonyoung. Ano ulit pangalan mo?” nahihiya niyang tanong nang tinabihan niya ang lalaki. Sino nga naman ba’ng hindi mahihiya kung kanina nya pa tinatanong yung tao ng kung ano-ano pero hindi pa pala nya alam kung anong pangalan nito?

“Jihoon.” sabi ng lalaki sabay taas ng kilay na tila pinapakita nya kay Soonyoung na nakakaistorbo sya. Alam naman ni Soonyoung na masungit ang katabi pero walang kaso sa kanya iyon and it didn’t stop him from trying to talk to the other guy. Si Wonwoo nga na ubod ng sungit napapangiti nya kapag magkasama sila eh.

_Tangina. Naisip ko na naman sya. Tama na yan, tanga. You’re here to forget, not to remember him in every single thing._ Soonyoung scolded himself in his mind.

“Ano kasi.. Medyo nag-space out ako kanina. Hindi ko alam kung ano yung activity.” He then shyly smiled at Jihoon hoping that he would help him out since Jihoon has been helping him throughout the day anyway.

“I’m gonna be honest with you. Hindi ko rin alam.” Natawa nang bahagya si Jihoon. Hindi naman talaga nya gustong pumunta sa camp eh. Siguradong sigurado naman sya na alam nya na kung anong sasabihin ng mga speakers at kung anong ipapagawa sa kanila. Kaso sabi nila kailangan nya yon. Kaya nasa La Union sya ngayon.

“Uy, alam mo ang galing mo. Bakit lahat ng tanong ko kanina nasagot mo? Kahit naglalaro ka lang naman ng games sa phone mo.” Natatawang sabi ni Soonyoung while trying to break the ice. Kung hindi sya matututong sumulat ng kanta sa tatlong araw na camp na ‘to, might as well just go home with a new friend para di naman sayang bayad.

“Alam ko naman na lahat yon eh.” Tipid na sagot ni Jihoon habang nakatitig lamang sa araw na unti-unting lumulubog sa harap nila.

“Eh bakit ka nandito?” Soonyoung asked. He was really curious. Not only of the reason as to why Jihoon was there, but also about the man himself. His aura, his voice, everything. Very mysterious. Very interesting.

Jihoon was surprised by the question. It’s not like they’ve known each other for a long time. “It’s not something I want to talk about with a person I met for the first time.”

“Bakit? Sabi ni Ethan, mas okay magkwento sa strangers kasi no judgement.”

“Ethan?” Jihoon asked. Kahit anong isip nya, wala naman syang kilalang Ethan. “Relevant ba sya dapat sa buhay ko?”

Jihoon’s cluelessness made Soonyoung wonder. “Yung sa Hello, Love, Goodbye. Ano ka ba? Di mo alam yon?”

But all of a sudden, Soonyoung’s laughter was quickly replaced by tears. Hello, Love, Goodbye, yung movie na shinoot sa Hong Kong. Hong Kong, his first international travel with Wonwoo. Napasigaw na lang ng isang malutong na tangina when he realized that there he was again with all his thoughts that would always lead to Wonwoo Jeon.

“Minumura mo ba ‘ko?” Natatawang tanong ni Jihoon. It’s been so long since he was able to laugh genuinely that he couldn’t even recognize his own laughter.

Hindi malaman ni Soonyoung kung uunahin nya bang tumawa o umiyak. The only thing he knew at that time was that Jihoon’s laughter brought some sort of comfort to his wounded heart.

“So, bakit ka umiiyak?” Jihoon casually asked.

“It’s not something I want to talk about with a person I met for the first time.” Soonyoung mockingly imitated Jihoon.

But Jihoon has his own come back. “Eh di hindi ka rin naniniwala dun sa Ethan?”

Napairap na lamang si Soonyoung sa tanong. “Pag nagkwento ako magkukwento ka rin? Para fair.” Soonyoung said in a nonnegotiable tone. Tumango si Jihoon bilang pagsagot ng oo.

Yumuko si Soonyoung at hinawakan ang mga buhangin na tila may isinusulat. “Jihoon, na-in love ka na ba?”

“Love? Love is overrated.” mayabang na sagot nito.

“Totoo.” Soonyoung bitterly smiled as his tears began to build up. “Pero alam mo kung anong mas overrated? Yung ma-in love ka sa bestfriend mo. Sabi nila, that’s the ideal relationship kasi kilalang-kilala nyo na yung isa’t isa. There’s already this certain sense of familiarity. Yung tipong you just get each other, even the simple gestures, even the wordless cues. ‘Lucky I’m in love with my bestfriend’ nga daw, di ba? Di naman ako nainform na it could also be the worst thing to ever happen to you.”

_Ah, heartbroken. Halata naman._ Naisip ni Jihoon habang tinititigan ang umiiyak na Soonyoung.

“So minahal mo bestfriend mo?”

Soonyoung chuckled. “Mahal pa rin. Sana bukas hindi na. Pero hindi kasi sya madaling kalimutan.” It’s true. What they had was a beautiful friendship that anyone could be envious of, but Soonyoung hoped that they could be more. And it was dumb of him to do so.

“Kaya ka nandito? Gagawa ka ng kanta so that you can make… uhm, anong pangalan nya?” Tanong ni Jihoon.

“Wonwoo.” Soonyoung said in a painful yet endearing tone.

“Wonwoo, okay. Gagawa ka ng kanta so that you can make Wonwoo love you. Tama ba? Tell me I’m right. I’m never wrong, you know?”

Tinignan nang masama ni Soonyoung si Jihoon. “Alam mo, epal ka. Kwento mo ba, ha? Bakit mo ‘ko inuunahan? Yabang yabang mo mali ka naman.”

“Sorry na. Continue.” sabi ni Jihoon sa pagitan ng kanyang mga tawa.

“Ayon, ikakasal na sya kay Mingyu. Best man ako syempre. Parang sampal eh. Kaya yun, pumunta ako dito para makalayo kahit wala naman talaga akong alam sa music.”

Tawang tawa si Jihoon sa narinig nya kaya kinailangan nya pang huminga saglit bago makapagsalita. “Wait, let me get this straight. Di ka pa nakasulat ng kanta. Ever. Yet here you are in a songwriting camp. Why the fuck are you in a songwriting camp?”

“Balita ko kasi masarap pagkain sa camp na ‘to.” nahihyang sagot ni Soonyoung.

“Seryoso ba?!”

“Hindi, gago. Travel buddies kasi kami ni Wons, and I’m sure kapag sinabi kong pupunta ako ng La Union for a personal trip magpupumilit yun sumama. Eh hindi ko sya kayang hindian. Kaya sumali na lang ako sa camp. Kasi di ba, ano pang sense ng pagpunta ko dito kung kasama din sya?” paliwanag ni Soonyoung. Nakakatawa naman talaga ang dahilan nya, pero yun lang yung paraan para makahinga sya mula kay Wonwoo ng ilang araw.

”Bakit? Ano bang sense ng pagpunta mo dito kung lagi mo rin naman syang iniisip?” tanong ni Jihoon.

_Teka. Tanong na naman? Bakit ba ako tanong nang tanong sa taong ‘to when I usually don’t even care about the people around me?_

“Bakit ka ba nang-aatake ha?” Hinampas ni Soonyoung sa balikat si Jihoon. It’s so weird how he’s already that comfortable with a man he just met. But maybe that was really what he needed-- surrounding himself with new people.

The usually emotionless Jihoon actually had a smile on his face. “What? I’m just telling the truth.”

“Hoy teka nga.” Soonyoung began wiping his tears. “Wag mo akong daanin dyan sa mga ngiti-ngiti mo. May utang kang kwento.”

“Why am I here?” Jihoon took a deep breath before starting. He hated sharing parts of himself to another person as he has always felt like it would be invading his privacy, but weirdly, with Soonyoung, he was more than willing to do so. “I’m a songwriter. _Was_ a songwriter? I don’t know. Di talaga ako sure. It’s been what, at least six months since I last wrote a song? Yeah, I’m in a slump. At sabi ng lahat ng tao sa paligid ko, pumunta ako dito to find the self that I lost or to find some inspiration. Ewan. Bahala sila. Ayoko talaga pumunta kaso mapilit sila kaya pinagbigyan ko na lang.”

“So ano nang plano mo ngayon?”

Soonyoung’s question mad Jihoon think so hard. Ilang buwan na syang hindi nagsusulat pero ni minsan hindi nya naisip kung ano na nga bang susunod. He has always believed na babalik ulit yung mga salita sa kanya at kusang lalabas kaso heto sya ngayon, blangko pa rin. “Ewan ko. Quit? Siguro nga quit. That’s the logical answer anyway.”

Soonyoung looked at the man beside him. Kitang kita nya sa mga mata nito na hindi naman nito gustong huminto pero nawawalan na ito ng pag-asa. “I don’t think you should though. Malay mo after this makasulat ka na ulit.”

Jihoon smirked and sarcastically said “Baka naman.”

“Alam mo, Jihoon, I have an idea!” Biglang sinabi ni Soonyoung na parang sobrang excited sya. “Mukhang pareho naman nating ayaw umattend sa camp. Why don’t we ditch this? Isipin mo, if we go on our own way, baka dun pa natin mahanap yung hinahanap natin.”

“We don’t live inside a movie, Soonyoung.” sagot ni Jihoon.

“Boring mo naman. Tara na kasi!” And for maybe a whole minute, Soonyoung was just trying to convince Jihoon to join him in an adventure. Binanggit nya lahat ng activities na pwede nilang gawin. Lahat ng pagkain na pwedeng kainin. Everything beautiful about La Union. And to his surprise, umepekto naman.

“Oo na.” Jihoon said with a sigh. “Pero magdinner muna tayo. Sayang bayad.”

_____________

Kinabukasan, maaga pa lang kumakatok na si Soonyoung sa kwarto ni Jihoon. A few more knock, and may nagbukas na ng pinto. He was expecting to see a half-asleep Jihoon that’s why he was shocked when he saw the man dressed and ready to go.

“Excited ka rin ‘no?” Soonyoung teased Jihoon.

Jihoon rolled his eyes and stepped out of his room. “Asa ka naman. Morning person ako, okay.”

“Sus, ayaw pa aminin.” Soonyoung said with a smirk.

“Whatever. Tara na nga.”

Soonyoung and Jihoon’s first stop was Tangadan Falls. Gabi pa lang hindi na mapigil si Soonyoung sa pagsabi kung gano kaganda yung falls. He said he’s been there a lot of times, pero kasama si Wonwoo syempre. Kaya nga gusto nyang mapalitan yung memories sa lugar na ‘yon. But nonetheless, Soonyoung was so sure that the view would take his breath away the way it always has. And that made Jihoon wonder how spectacular that _spectacular_ place was.

Pagdating pa lang nila sa starting point, sinabi na ni Soonyoung na there will be a short climb before they get to the falls. Wala naman problema kay Jihoon yon. He’s fit, he’s healthy, and he regularly goes to the gym. He thought the climb would be easy. But he failed to take one thing into consideration -- hindi nga pala sya outdoor person. Sa kada hakbang at panik sa mga batong kakaiba ang hugis, parang gusto nya na lang sumuko. Hingal na hingal na sya at nanlalambot na yung mga binti nya pero wala pa sila sa kalahati. Lalo lang syang nahilo nang maisip nya na uulitin nya ang lahat ng iyon pababa kapag pabalik na sila. Mabuti na lang ay kasama niya si Soonyoung. Si Soonyoung na handang umalalay kapag muntik na syang madapa. Yung taong kinakamusta sya tuwing napapansin nitong pagod na sya pero tawang tawa pa rin habang nang-aasar. Had it been another person, Jihoon would have been annoyed na pinagtatawanan sya, but it was Soonyoung, and weirdly, his laughter made him want to continue. He wanted to be with Soonyoung longer kahit gaano pa kahirap yung daang haharapin nya.

The whole hike was remarkable. Sino ba namang makakalimot sa pahirap na ‘yon ‘di ba? But if there’s one moment that Jihoon will never forget, it was when he fell -- literally and figuratively. May matarik na paakyat na wala silang ibang kakapitan kundi yung mga puno sa gilid. Dahil nga hindi sanay, namali ng tapak si Jihoon at nadapa. Dali-dali namang tumakbo si Soonyoung papunta sa kanya at tinanong kung ayos lang sya. Nang tumango si Jihoon ay agad na inabot ni Soonyoung ang kanyang kamay upang tulungan ang kasama na makatayo. And the moment their hands touched, Jihoon knew that he felt something different. It struck him like lightning. For a moment, hindi sya nakahinga. Hindi dahil sa pagod. Hindi dahil hinihingal na sya. Hindi sya nakahinga dahil he might actually have forgotten how to because of a sudden realization that he was falling for Soonyoung. _Hard_.

“Konti na lang, Jihoon. Lapit na. Sabayan kita.” Soonyoung said with his brightest smile. True enough, he walked beside Jihoon at sinundan niya ang pace nito.

_Tangina. Ganito pala yun. Ganito pala pakiramdam. Akala ko nanggagago lang sila_. Jihoon thought to himself.

Nang makita na nila yung falls, Soonyoung grabbed Jihoon’s hand and dragged the other closer to the falls. He was like a kid who was so running excitedly, and Jihoon found this amusing. How can anyone be that happy?

“SHET ANG GANDAAAAA!” Soonyoung screamed as he ran. The moment he stopped, he faced Jihoon and asked “Ano? Kamusta? Worth it ba?”

Jihoon nodded. “Sobra. My heart is happy.” _You make my heart happy in a way I never thought it can be_.

_____________

The two spent their day taking pictures, telling random stories, swimming sa falls, and eating the best local food. And to end all of it, they decided to rush to the beach and watch the sunset. Admittedly, that day was probably one of Jihoon’s best days. Ang tagal na since the last time he was able to be that carefree and basically just genuinely happy. And Soonyoung was able to bring him that. Nakakalungkot lang na watching the sunset could be a hint matatapos na lahat ng kaligayahan na ‘yon.

“Why do we have to do this, Soonyoung? Don’t you think sunsets are sad?” Jihoon asked. Nakaupo sila ngayon sa buhangin, pinapakinggan ang mga alon at hinihintay na maging itim ang kahel na langit.

“Sad? Bakit naman sad?” Soonyoung asked the guy beside him without taking his eyes away from the view, afraid that he might miss the beautiful sunset.

“It’s like an ending. Wala na. Tapos na yung araw.” Jihoon explained.

Natawa nang bahagya si Soonyoung. “Alam mo, ang lungkot ng iniisip mo. Ending agad? Can’t it be a new beginning?”

“A new beginning of what? Darkness?”

“Well, yeah.”

“O edi malungkot nga.”

Soonyoung pouted habang iniisip nya kung paano ipapaliwanag kay Jihoon. “Hindi naman kasi necessarily malungkot kapag dark or kapag gabi, eh. Isipin mo, nandyan pa rin naman yung moon. Yung stars. They illuminate us kapag inaakala natin na yung buhay natin binabalot na lang ng kadiliman. Natapos man yung liwanag ng araw, may bago namang dumating.”

Jihoon stared at the man beside him. He could not believe how beautiful his thoughts were. Sa isang simpleng bagay, sa sunset, nagawa nitong bigyan sya ng bagong perspective sa buhay. His smiles, his thoughts, his whole being has already captivated Jihoon more than anything else.

“Pwede bang ako naman yung bagong dumating sa buhay mo?” It took Jihoon his all to say those words. Pero kasi kung hindi nya pa tatapangan, hindi nya na alam kung kailan pa sya magkakaron ng chance ulit. Siguro nga masyadong mabilis, but it just felt so right for him.

Soonyoung suddenly moved his face closer to Jihoon. At tangina, halos lumabas na yung puso ni Jihoon mula sa katawan nya sa sobrang lakas ng tibok nito. “Nilalandi mo ba ‘ko, Jihoon?” Soonyoung squinted his eyes.

Napahinga nang malalim si Jihoon. _Now or never_. “Can I?”

“Sorry, nagmmove-on pa ‘ko.” Bulong ni Soonyoung kay Jihoon bago sya lumayo at bumalik sa dati nyang upo.

“Look, Sooyoung. I’m serious.” Jihoon held Soonyoung’s hand and looked into his eyes. “Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ‘to sa buong buhay ko. And it might sound crazy to you but within 2 days, you have captured my heart at parang hindi ko na kayang kumawala. I like you, Soonyoung. Tangina, gustong gustong gusto kita.”

Soonyoung’s smile faded as they were replaced by tears. Tears that he immediately wiped with his free hand. “Jihoon, I’d be a liar kung sasabihin kong wala akong naramdaman the past two days. Pucha, hindi naman ito yung inexpect ko nung pumunta ako dito sa LU. I did not expect _you_. You make my heart flutter. A lot of times. Yung mga ibang nararamdaman ko kapag kasama ko si Wonwoo dati, hindi ko maintindihan bakit nararamdaman ko din kapag kasama kita. But the thing is, my heart is too broken to be ready for anything right now to the point na hindi ako sigurado kung ano talagang nararamdaman ko. So far, I think gusto din kita. Pero sorry. Di ko pa kayang magbigay ng kahit anong assurance. I’m really really sorry.”

“Wag ka magsorry. Wag ka din umiyak. Please. Everything you said, they’re already good enough for me. Isa lang naman yung gusto ko talagang malaman eh. Pwede mo bang bigyan ng chance yung tayo? At least to get to know each other more. Walang commitment. Walang expectations. I swear.”

“Yes.” Soonyoung squeezed Jihoon’s hand that was holding his.

The two sat in silence enjoying the breeze while still holding each other’s hands. Malabo pa kung ano sila o kung anong mangyayari sa mga susunod na araw at buwan, but the sea, the moon, and the stars are witnesses to the fact that they are both willing to try.

And in the middle of their comfortable silence, Jihoon took his phone and wrote the words

Hindi mapigil ang bugso ng aking puso

Sa tuwing ako'y papalapit sa'yo

Maaari bang hingin ang iyong kamay?

Hawakan mo't 'wag mong bitawan

_Siguro nga ikaw na yung bagong simula, Soonyoung._

**_PART 2: PLAY_ **

Ito na ang pagpapatuloy. Pabalik na sina Soonyoung at Jihoon sa Maynila upang muling harapin ang mga buhay na kanilang iniwan ng ilang araw. Were the initial problems they brought to La Union resolved? They do not know. What they do know is that the songwriting camp gave them a new possibility— them. But even that one is unclear. Still, that blurred whatever was something that they would want to enjoy.

Magkatabi sina Soonyoung at Jihoon sa bus ride pabalik sa Manila. An hour into the ride, inip na inip na si Soonyoung kaya naman kinulit nito si Jihoon by poking his cheeks. While cutely pouting to gain the other’s attention, he said “Jihoooon, I’m bored. Di rin naman ako makatulog.”

“Para kang bata.” Jihoon fondly responded. He even ruffled Soonyoung’s hair dahil cute na cute sya dito. Para hindi na mainip ang katabi, he took his earphones from his bag. Sinuot nya yung left side at binigay naman kay Soonyoung.

The first song that played was Unique’s Midnight Sky. He was singing along in his head when he suddenly heard a familiar voice singing the song. Si Jihoon. It was Soonyoung’s first time hearing him sing at hindi nya mapgilang mapangiti. The guy was looking at him directly, and he knew that his face was already turning red.

_“Wishing that I'll be_

_The man that you'll touch and see_

_I'll give my love that can't explain_

_We will be running in the rain_

_And I will hold your hand”_

Jihoon sang every word with all the emotions that he has. Kahit mahina lang yung pagkanta nya, gusto nyang maparating kay Soonyoung yun. Yun naman talaga yung gusto nyan sabihin eh -- na sana sya na. “I’ll hold your hand until the day you tell me na bumitaw na ako, Soonyoung. Pero sana hindi dumating yung araw na yon.”

_____________

Pagdating ni Soonyoung sa condo nya, naabutan nya yung roommate nya na si Junhui na nakaupo sa sofa. He immediately dropped his bags and sat lazily on the other side. For sure magpapakuwento si Jun about his trip.

“Kamusta naman ang mowing on trip?” Natatawang tanong ni Jun. Open naman sya dito tungkol sa lahat ng bagay. Alam nga nya yung tungkol kay Wonwoo. They’ve known each other for years anyway.

Pasagot na sana si Soonyoung sa tanong ni Jun nang magring yung phone nya na nasa table. Agad agad naman niya itong kinuha, at tumakbo sya papunta sa balcony bago sagutin ang tawag. “Hello? Jihoon?”

“Soonyoung, nakauwi ka na ba? Di ka naman na-traffic?” the guy on the other line asked.

“Oo, nakauwi na. And syempre traffic. Di naman NCR ‘to kung hindi traffic, di ba?” natatawang sagot ni Soonyoung. Call him crazy pero miss nya na agad yung boses ni Jihoon kahit halos isang oras pa lang nung huli silang nag-usap. “Are you home na?”

“Yeah, kakadating ko lang din.”

“Ah, that’s good.”

“Sige na. Baka I’m keeping you here for too long. I just wanted to make sure na safe ka nakauwi… And I kinda miss you already.” Soonyoung heard a shy laughter from Jihoon.

Soonyoung couldn’t help but smile. Tangina, ang tagal na rin simula nung huli syang kinilig. “No, it’s fine. Kausap ko lang naman yung roommate ko kanina. Nagtatanong about the ElYu trip. Also, miss na din kita.”

Hindi nakasagot si Jihoon sa sinabi ni Soonyoung. Dahil sa gulat. Dahil sa sobrang kilig. Dahil sa lahat ng nararamdaman nya na hindi nya mapaliwanag.

“Huy, Jihoo, nandyan ka pa ba?” Tanong ni Soonyoung.

“Ano… Uhm…” Jihoon stuttered as he tried to speak. “Oo. Uh… Soonyoung?”

“Hmm?”

“Am I included sa mga ikukwento mo sa roommate mo?”

“Jihoon, that trip would be nothing kung hindi ka kasama sa kuwento.” Soonyoung bit his lip, feeling shy about what he said. But it’s true though. Si Jihoon yung 90% ng trip na yon.

“Okay bye na talaga wag mo ako masyado pakiligin di ko na kaya.” Jihoon said without even stopping to catch his breath. Tawang tawa naman si Soonyoung sa kanya.

“Sige, sige. See you soon?”

“See you soon.”

Junhui was squinting his eyes in a suspicious way when he got back inside. Yung parang ang dami nyang tanong kay Soonyoung.

“What?” Soonyoung asked in a guilty-but-in-denial tone. He once again sat on the sofa. Kinakabahan din ito dahil alam nyang gigisahin sya ng kaibigan.

“Sinong kausap mo ha?” Mapang-asar na tanong nito.

“A guy I met in La Union. Si Jihoon.” Napangiti si Soonyoung nang binaggit niya ang pangalan.

Jun sat closer to Soonyoung. Interesado syang malaman kung sino yung Jihoon dahil simula nung sinabi ni Wonwoo na ikakasal na sya, ngayon na lang ulit niya nakitang ngumiti si Soonyoung. “I’m sure he’s not just some guy you met. Hindi ka ngingiti nang ganyan kung _some guy_ lang sya.”

At doon na sinimulang ikuwento kung paano nya nakilala si Jihoon. Mula sa una nilang pakikita, hanggang sa pag-ditch nila sa camp, hanggang sa pag-amin nito, hanggang sa kung ano sila ngayon. “Ewan ko. Hindi pa talaga ako sigurado, Jun. What I know right now is that I like being with him. It feels good. I’m _happier_.”

“Well, you obviously are, gago. Kung nakita mo lang kung gano ka ka-excited nung nakita mo na sya yung tumatawag, malamang tawang tawa ka rin.” Junhui said while laughing.

Hinagis ni Soonyoung kay Jun yung isang unan na naabot nya. “Alam mo, tangina mo.”

Suddenly, the smile on Jun’s face faded and his expression became more serious. “Pano si Wonwoo? Wala na ba talaga?”

“Tangina syempre meron pa rin. I’ve loved him for years, Jun. Hindi ganun kadaling mawala yon.” He felt his heart break again. And he hated himself kasi Wonwoo was exactly the reason why he can’t fully commit to Jihoon yet. Mahal nya pa rin yung bestfriend nya.

“Speaking of Wonwoo, ilang araw ka na nga palang hinahanap nun. Sabi ko nasa ElYu ka. Tanong naman nang tanong bakit di mo daw sya sinama.” Naiiritang sabi ni Jun.

“Ako nang bahala. Tatawagan ko na lang mamaya.” Is Soonyoung ready to talk to him again? Paniguradong hindi. He’s so sure that his heart would break once more the moment he hears Wonwoo’s voce. But what can he do? Everything needs to go back to “normal” now that he’s back.

_____________

“Sorry, who’s this?” Bungad ni Wonwoo kay Soonyoung nang sagutin nito ang tawag nya.

Napairap naman si Soonyoung dahil alam nyang nagtatampo si Wonwoo sa di nya pagpaparamdam. “Tangina mo. Ganyanan ha.”

Wonwoo huffed. “Anong ganyanan? Ikaw pa malakas loob ikaw na nga di nagparamdam.”

  
“Sorry na, Wons. Kailangan ko lang huminga.” Soonyoung softly explained. Hindi naman nya talaga kayang sungitan si Wonwoo. Oo, marupok sya para dito. Marupok na marupok.

“Di talaga ako kasama?” Wonwoo whined. He’s always been there through Soonyoung’s ups and downs kaya naman nagtataka sya kung bakit hindi sya pwede sumama sa paghinga na ‘yon.

“I needed to do it alone, eh. And besides, busy ka sa kasal mo di ba?” It pained him to say those words. Kasal ni Wonwoo. Ikakasal yung taong mahal nya pero hindi sa kanya. And worse, he has to be there as the best man, watch the love of his life marry someone else, smile, and endure all the pain.

“Ah, alam ko na kung pano ka babawi.” sabi ni Wonwoo.

Kasalanan bang piliin nya yung sarili nya paminsan? Is it wrong to run away from his pains for a short while? Bakit kailangan nyang bumawi? Oo na lang siguro. Ayaw nya nang makipagtalo. “Samahan mo ako magcheck ng invitations bukas.”

“Bakit? Ako ba ikakasal?” Asar na tanong ni Soonyoung. Alam nya naman yung maskit na katotohanan. Bakit nga ba tinanong nya pa?

“Busy kasi si Gyu sa work bukas. Ayoko naman pumunta mag-isa. Kaya sige na please? Samahan mo na ‘ko. Ikaw naman best man ko eh.”

_Best man. Hanggang doon lang naman ako sa’yo, Wons._ Soonyoung thought to himself before he gave his answer to Wonwoo’s request. “Oo na. Basta libre mo lunch.”

“Kahit hanggang dinner pa! Thank you talaga, Soons!” Wonwoo excitedly said. “Ay, teka. I want to talk to you pa sana kaso may dinner kami ni Gyu. Sorry, I have to go.”

Ganon naman palagi eh. Pangalawa lang kay Mingyu si Soonyoung. “Okay. Ingat ka, Wons.” Soonyoung’s voice was already breaking and tears were forming in his eyes but he still managed to say that sentence bago nya ibaba yung tawag. Hanggang kailan pa ba nya iiyakan yung bestfriend nya nang palihim? Gusto na nyang huminto na lang lahat ng sakit.

_Tangina naman, Wonwoo!_ Soonyoung cursed in his head. _Hindi na nga ako yung ikakasal, ako pa rin yung tutulong sa preparations?_ Gusto nyang isigaw kung gano kasakit yung nararamdaman nya. Gusto nyang iiyak lahat. Gusto nyang itanong kung bakit hindi na lang sya. Kahit alam naman nya kung anong sagot -- kasi hindi sya si MIngyu.

That night, Soonyoung thought he would cry himself to sleep again. Pero iba na pala ngayon. Kasi nandyan na si Jihoon na bigla na lang nagtext para mangamusta. Saktong sakto. Parang nakaramdam na malungkot na naman si Soonyoung.

_____________

A few months passed, Jihoon and Soonyoung became closer than ever. They spend most of their time together, getting to know each other more. At sa bawat araw, ramdam nya that he was slowly falling for Jihoon. At the same time, unti-unti ring nababawasan yung sakit na dala ni Wonwoo. And yes, that was Soonyoung finally moving on.

That day, nakatambay si Soonyoung sa studio ni Jihoon. Yun na yung usual Saturdays nila -- magdadala ng kape si Soonyoung sa studio; papanoorin nya magtrabaho si Jihoon; and when Jihoon takes a break,they’d cuddle or just generally be clingy sa sofa. Sa totoo lang, parang sila na talaga. Only two things were missing, the three words and the commitment. Para kay Jihoon, ayos lang. Kaya nya pang maghintay. And he believes that they’ll get there.

“Jihoon, nakabuo ka na ba ulit ng kanta?” Soonyoung asked as he brushed Jihoon’s hair using his hand.

Jihoon confidently smiled. “Hindi pa. Pero malapit na. Hopefully.”

Soonyoung nodded. Nakapikit na sya at mukhang nakakatulog na. “Can you write a song for me?”

“What made you think na hindi para sa’yo yung sinusulat ko?” Nakangiting tanong ni Jihoon habang pinapanood si Soonyoung, who was already softly snoring.

Binuksan ni Jihoon ang Notes app sa phone nya kung saan niya sinusulat ang mga salitang naiisip para sa kanta.

Kahit sandali, palayain ang pusong 'di mapigil

Sana'y tayong dal'wa

Sa huling pagkakataon

Na ika'y magiging akin

Jihoon softly caressed Soonyoung’s cheek. “Patapos na yung kanta. Sana pag pinadinig ko sa’yo, oo yung isagot mo sa tanong.”

**_PART 3: REWIND_ **

Sabi nila, may mga bagay na binabalikan pero may mga bagay na dapat na lang iwan sa nakaraan. Yung feelings ni Soonyoung for Wonwoo? At that point, it was already part of the latter. But you know, life has its way of messing things up.

Hindi Saturday nung araw na ‘yon pero kinulit ni Jihoon si Soonyoung na puntahan sya sa studio. He just finished the song that he’s been writing for Soonyoung and so he has decided to finally ask Soonyoung to be his boyfriend. Everything was already perfect-- nalinis na nya yung studio, nakaprepare na yung dinner, ready na rin yung CD with a sticky note na ibibigay nya kay Soonyoung. Despite the perfection, kinakabahan pa rin si Jihoon, syempre. There’s always that possibility na humindi si Soonyoung. But then he realized na he can’t do anything else but hope for the best.

“Huy, Jihoon. Are you okay?” Soonyoung asked as he cupped Jihoon’s face and pulled it closer to his. Well, not that close. Just close enough to capture the other’s attention.

Napabalik naman sa realidad si Jihoon sa ginawa ni Soonyoung. “Ah, oo. Oks lang ako.”

“Weh? Kanina ka pa mukhang majejebs dyan kaya.” Pang-aasar ni Soonyoung.

“Ano… Ano kasi…” Hindi malaman ni Jihoon kung pano nya ibibigay kay Soonyoung yung CD na kanina pa nasa tabi nya.

“Ano? Kaya ba today?” Soonyoung laughed-- a genuine laughter that made him lose his eyes. And this beautiful laughter somehow made Jihoon calm down.

“May ibibi--” Lumakas na sana yung loob ni Jihoon para iabot yung regalo nya kaso naputol sya ng pagtunog ng cellphone ni Soonyoung.

“Sorry, Jihoon. Wait lang ha.” Soonyoung picked up his phone and answered the call. “Hello, Wons?”

_Ah, si Wonwoo. Oo nga pala. May Wonwoo._ From the moment he heard Soonyoung say “Wons”, everything became a blur. Jihoon’s thoughts were messing him up. Until that day, hindi pa naman nagopen-up ulit si Soonyoung kung nakamove-on na sya or what. And Jihoon never bothered to ask kasi he wanted Soonyoung to move on at his own pace. Ayaw nyang maparamdam dito kahit indirectly man na he’s pressuring him. Also, he just wanted to enjoy what he and Soonyoung have.

“Jihoon, sorry. Kailangan ko na yata umalis. Nagpapasama kasi si Wonwoo. You know, best man duties.” Soonyoung was smiling but it was obvious in his eyes that he felt sorry for having to leave immediately.

“Okay.” Sobrang hina ng sagot ni Jihoon na parang bumubulong lang sya.

“Ano yung sasabihin mo pala kanina?”

Jihoon faked a smile. “Hindi na. Okay lang. It can wait.”

“Sure?”

Jihoon nodded.

“Okay. Tawagan kita mamaya pag-uwi ko.” Soonyoung hugged Jihoon before turning his back. And from there, pinanood na lang ni Jihoon si Soonyoung na umalis. An opportunity lost. May next time pa naman siguro. May next time pa naman _sana_.

_____________

Nagmamadaling tumakbo si Soonyoung sa kwarto ni Wonwoo nang dumating sya sa bahay nito. Tumawag kasi yung bestfriend nya kanina para sabihing may wedding emergency sya pero hindi naman sinabi specifically kung ano.

Sinalubong si Soonyoung ng isang mahigpit na yakap mula kay Wonwoo. Weirdly, he’s _drunk_. And that’s so not Wonwoo.

“Soons…” Parang nanginginig ang boses ni Wonwoo as he called Soonyoung’s name, and that already worried Soonyoung.

“Wons, what happened? Bakit ka uminom?” Soonyoung worriedly asked. Pinaupo nya rin si Wonwoo sa kama at tinabihan ito.

“Soonyoung,” Wonwoo let out an exasperated sigh. “I think I want to cancel the wedding.”

“What the fuck, Wonwoo?! Are you serious?” Gulat na gulat si Soonyoung sa nadinig nya. Halos isang linggo na lang bago yung kasal. Hindi nya maintindihan kung bakit biglang nagdadalawang-isip si Wonwoo.

Wonwoo wiped the tears that flowed to his cheeks. “Seryoso ako. It’s just that… I’ve been thinking a lot lately and bigla na lang pumasok sa utak ko na baka hindi pa ako ready magpakasal. Forever is such a long time, Soons. Hindi ko alam if I’m ready to spend that with Mingyu.”

“Really now? Si Mingyu? Iiwan mo? The love of your life? Your answered prayer? Your soulmate? Ikaw na nga nagsabi ng lahat ng ‘yon ‘di ba? Come on Wonwoo; we’re talking about Mingyu here. You’ve loved him since the day you first laid your eyes on him.”

“What if mali ako? What if hindi pala si Mingyu yung lahat ng ‘yon? Soons, I think…” Huminto si Wonwoo sa pagsasalita na para bang iniisip kung dapat pa ba nyang ituloy yung sinasabi nya.

“Wons, tell me everything na iniisip mo para matulungan kita.” Soonyoung held his bestfriend’s hand to assure him that he’s there to help.

“I think I’m in love with someone else. I think I’m in love with…”

_Don’t say my name. Wons, wag ako. Wag sa’kin. Please._

“... you.”

Wonwoo being in love with him-- that’s something Soonyoung has always wished for _before_. But now that he actually heard it from him, parang nayanig yung mundo nya. And not in a good way. It was chaos inside his mind. Bakit ngayon lang? Baking ngayon pa? Kung kailan nawala na yung lahat ng nararamdaman nya. Kung kailan bestfriend na lang para sa kanya si Wonwoo. When he thought things could be right already. All those years akala nya hearing Wonwoo say I love you would be the best thing to ever happen to him, but why did it feel so wrong?

“Soons, say something naman oh.” Ramdam na ramdam na yung frustration at takot sa boses ni Wonwoo. Panigurado namang nabigla si Soonyoung sa mga sinabi nya pero sana naman magsalita ito kahit papano.

“Hindi mo ako mahal.”

“Soonyoung naman. I’m se--”

“Wonwoo, trust me, hindi mo ako mahal. Not in a romantic way at least.” Soonyoung wiped Wonwoo’s tears and gave him a gentle smile. Kung dati nya sinabi yung mga salitang ‘yon, malamang nagbbreakdown na sya. “Hindi mo ako mahal kasi kung mahal mo ako, dati mo pa narealize yan. Malamang walang Mingyu, and hindi tayo bestfriends lang ngayon. But you don’t love me that way.”

_Kasi Wons, I’ve loved you for years and there’s not a day na naramdaman ko that you loved me that way too. I have always been the bestfriend. Just the bestfriend._ Soonyoung’s mind continued pero syempre hindi nya na sinabi yung mga iyon kay Wonwoo.

“If it’s not love, then what? Bakit ganito yung nararamdaman ko ngayon? Tangina, Soons, everything’s a mess.”

“Pre-wedding jitters lang yan. Don’t worry. I’m here to help.” Tinapik ni Soonyoung ang balikat ni Wonwoo bago nya kinuha yung phone nya. “Here. Wedding gift ko dapat sa inyo ‘to. I was supposed to show this after my best man speech. Pero parang mas kailangan mo ngayon.”

Soonyoung gave his phone to Wonwoo. It contained a video edit na ginawa nya noong mga oras na nagmmove-on sya. Nung una, gusto nya lang talaga ng dahilan para panoorin ulit lahat ng videos ni Wonwoo na kinuha nya during their trips and even on regular days. Then he decided to compile the best videos. Wala lang, para may mapanood sya kapag gusto nyang mamanhid sa sakit. But later on, habang nag-eedit sya, he realized one thing that was consistent in every video-- Mingyu was always there. Mingyu brought out Wonwoo’s most stunning smiles and his most candid laughters. Ibang iba yung aura ni Wons kapag nandyan si Gyu. And for that reason alone, sobrang deserve na ni Mingyu yung pagmamahal na binigay sa kanya ng bestfriend ni Soonyoung. That’s exactly what Wonwoo needed to see-- how he and Mingyu exude so much love whenever they’re together.

As the video ended, lalong napaiyak si Wonwoo. He felt so sorry for even thinking of breaking up with him. Oo nga, siguro nga natakot lang sya. Everything made him realize na hindi nya naman talaga kayang iwan si Mingyu.

Niyakap ni Soonyoung nang mahigpit ang umiiyak na kaibigan. “See? I told you. Pre-wedding jitters. Gyu is your endgame, Wons. He’s your perfect endgame. At sobrang deserve mong maging masaya kasama sya.”

“Sorry, nadamay ka pa sa kalat ko.”

“Oks lang, ano ka ba. Nandito lang ako para madamay lagi sa mga kalat mo, bestfriend.” That was Soonyoung’s closure. The final chapter. The final goodbye to the unrequited love that he has kept for years. And now, he’s ready to open a new book.

_____________

“Good morning!” Masayang bati ni Soonyoung pagpasok nya sa studio ni Jihoon.

“Oh, aga mo yata?” Hininto muna ni Jihoon ang ginagawa at tinabihan ang kadarating lang na si Soonyong. “This is weird. You look extra happy today.”

“Wala lang. Sagot ni Soonyoung. Inabot rin nya kay Jihoon ang kapeng dala nya para dito.

Bigla namang kinabahan si Jihoon nang pumasok sa isip nya ang isa sa mga posibleng dahilan ng kaligayahan ni Soonyoung. “Uhm… Kamusta pala kagabi si Wonwoo?”

“He… he wanted to cancel the wedding.” Pagkatapo makipag-usap ni Soonyoung kay Wonwoo ay npagdesisyunan na nyang ito na ang tamang oras para sabihin kay Jihoon na handa na sya para sa kanilang dalawa. But he wanted to start at a clean slate and tell him everything, kasama kung anong mga nangyari the night before.

“Tangina bakit daw?” Gulat na tanong ni Jihoon. Paminsan-minsan ay nakukwento ni Soonyoung yung mga kaibigan nya kaya naman may idea na sya kung gano kamahal ni Wonwoo ang fiance nito.

“Jihoon,” Soonyoung said while looking directly at the other’s eyes, waiting for how he’d respond. “Narelize nya daw na mahal nya ako.”

Naramdaman ni Jihoon na parang dinudurog ang puso nya. He felt so weak that he wanted to break down right there and then, but tried his best not to. Tagina, that was exactly why he never showed his vulnerable side to people. Kasi sasaktan lang sya ng mga ‘to. He took the risk for Soonyoung, and there he was, hurting. Pero sya si Jihoon. If there’s one thing he has mastered, it was the art of concealing his emotions.

“Congrats.” Jihoon expressionlessly said.

“Huh?” Nagtaka naman si Soonyoung sa sagot ni Jihoon. That was not the answer he expected. Akala nya ay tatanungin sya nito kung ano talagang nangyari pero bakit parang wala itong pakialam?

“Di ba ang tagal mo na yang hinihintay? Ayan na, di mo na kailangan magmove-on. Mahal ka na nya. Be happy with him, okay?” Nababasag na ang boses ni Jihoon pero umubo sya ng bahagya para hindi ito mapansin ng kausap. “Soonyoung, can you leave now? Busy ako eh. Salamat sa kape.” _at sa lahat_.

“Jihoon, are you fucking serious? Hindi mo man lang ba tatanungin kung anong sinabi ko sa kanya?”

“Para saan pa? Alam ko naman na si Wonwoo pa rin yung paulit-ulit mong pipiliin.” A tear fell from Jihoon’s eyes but he was quick to wipe it away.

Soonyoung clenched his fists out of frustration. “Sinabi ko kay Wonwoo na hindi k--”

“Pwede ba umalis ka na? Marami pa akong kailangan gawin.” Jihoon cut whatever Soonyoung was about to say. He was too broken to hear anything more. Baka hindi na nya kayanin.

“Putangina!” Malutong na mura ni Soonyoung. Tuloy tuloy na ang tulo ng mga luha nya, and his voice was becoming weak too. But he gathered all his strength para makapagsalita pa rin. “So ganon na lang yun, Jihoon? After mong iparamdam sakin lahat, yun na yun? Whatever happened to your promise na hihintayin mo ako?”

Pumikit si Jihoon dahil hindi nya na kayang makita si Soonyoung na umiiyak. “Nagbago na isip ko. Pagod na ako sa uncertainty. Pagod na akong maghintay sa taong hindi ko naman maintindihan kung anong tingin sa’kin.”

“Akala ko ba naiintindihan mo ako? Akala ko ba maghihintay ka until I can decide?” Soonyoung’s words were almost whispers. Everything that was happening was just so frustrating for him. Akala nya si Jihoon na talaga. But now, the guy was pushing him away.

“Bakit? Ikaw lang ba yung pwedeng magdesisyon tungkol sa magiging takbo ng kung ano mang meron tayo ngayon?”

“You know what? Tangina mo!” Sabi ni Soonyoung na punong puno ng galit. And the next thing Jihoon heard was the door banging loudly.

The moment Jihoon opened his eyes, they focused on the CD beside him. Kinuha nya ito at hinawakan ng mahigpit. Napatitig syang bigla sa sticky note na nakalagay sa cover kung saan pumatak ang kanyang luha.

_For Soonyoung. You came into my life unexpectedly, but I was thinking, would you like to be the inspiration behind the remaining songs I will write for the rest of my life?_

Obviously, the answer was a no.

**_PART 4: FORWARD_ **

Move forward and move on-- yan yung paulit-ulit na sinasabi ni Jun kay Soonyoung simula nung umuwi itong luhaan mula sa studio ni Jihoon. So far, he’s been doing a great job with the moving forward part, but definitely not with the moving on part. Sa labas, Soonyoung’s a fully-functioning adult. He went to work and did his usual routine. Yung parang hindi sya nasaktan. Halos isubsob nya na nga lang yung sarili nya sa trabaho para lang hindi sya masyadong mag-isip. Yun na lang din kasi yung naiisip nyang paraan para mapahinga na rin sya sa kakaiyak. It was him trying to be strong outside because the moment he steps inside his house, he breaks into this fragile being. A broken and hurting one.

“Tangina. Pinaasa ako ng gago na yun eh. Ako naman ‘tong si tanga, naniwala.” o kaya naman “Jun, miss na miss ko na si Jihoon. Tatawagan ko na ba?” Yan yung halos gabi-gabing sinasabi ni Soonyoung kay Junhui kapag umiiyak sya. May mga araw din naman na hindi ito umiiyak. Pero mas nakakatakot yung mga araw na ganun kasi parang wala si Soonyoung sa sarili nya. Hindi nagsasalita, hindi ngumingiti. He was just in his own world, lost in his thoughts. Existing pero parang he has lost his soul already. Lifeless.

One day, habang nagsscroll sa Twitter, he stumbled upon a news saying that Jihoon has decided to permanently quit the music industry. Agad na napalitan ng pag-aalala ng puso ni Soonyoung na binabalot ng sakit. He promised himself na he wouldn’t care anymore. Sabi nya pipilitin nya na yung sarili nya na kalimutan si Jihoon, all the happiness and the pains altogether. But weirdly, the next thing he knew, he was in front of Jihoon’s studio, contemplating whether he should open the door or not.

And then he did. Maybe it would be the last thing he’d do for Jihoon.

Walang tao sa studio pagdating ni Soonyoung. Wala pa ring pinagbago simula nang huli syang nandoon. It was a little messier, but still the same nonetheless. Parehong amoy, parehong hangin. Well, something changed. Kung dati, puno ng kaligayahan si Soonyoung tuwing pupunta sya sa lugar na iyon, at that moment, he felt all the pain and the longing creeping back to his heart. He was reminded of all the memories, all the smiles, every single great moment. And once again, Soonyoung was hurting.

Soonyoung sat on the sofa where he used to sit kaag pinapanood nya si Jihoon gumawa ng kanta. Nabaling naman ang tingin nya sa isang CD na nakapatong sa table that used to be empty before. He looked closer and found his name written on a sticky note.

“For Soonyoung.” He read the words out loud. At sa bawat salita, parang isang kutsilyo ang muli na namang tinutusok sa puso nya. “You came into my life unexpectedly, but I was thinking, would you like to be the inspiration behind the remaining songs I will write for the rest of my life?”

Fuck. Jihoon was supposed to ask him out, but things got out of hand. Kung nakapag-usap lang sila sana nang maayos, hindi sana sya lumuluha. Rather, they could have been spending their time happily and in love.

Tinapangan ni Soonyoung at napagdesisyunan nyang harapin ang sakit. He opened the case, took the CD out, and played the song using the unlocked laptop he found there.

“Uhm… Hi, Soonyoung.” Soonyoung’s heart pounded when he heard Jihoon’s voice from the recording. Miss na miss nya na yung boses na yon. Yung boses na kaya syang pangitiin kahit anong oras. “Di ko talga alam yung sasabihin ko, but I’ve been writing this song since that night in LU. Yung gabi na sinabi ko na gusto kita. After that, I promised myself na if-- ah, no. Mali. I promised myself na _when_ I finish this, tatanungin na kita kung pwede maging tayo. And now, it’s finally done! Di nga ako makapaniwala na nirerecord ko na ‘to eh. Sana by the end of this, oo yung maging sagot.” Jihoon giggled before he started to sing, and damn, it melted Soonyoung’s heart.

Ramdam na ramdam ni Soonyoung lahat ng pagmamahal na gustong iparating ni Jihoon sa bawat linyang kinakanta nito. How much he has hoped for _them_ to happen. Kung paano nyang hinintay si Soonyoung. And those thoughts were already enough to make Soonyoung’s tears fall. He was probably crying more than he’s cried since the day they broke up. Was that even called breaking up? Pinipilit nyang intindihin at damhin bawat salitang mayroon ang kanta habang bumabalik sa kanya ang mga imahe ng mga pinakamagaganda nilang ala-ala.

_Kahit sandali, patawarin ang pusong 'di tumigil_

_Para sa'ting dal'wa_

_Ang maling pagkakataon_

_Na ika'y magiging akin_

As the ending neared, the door of the studio opened. It was Jihoon, shocked as if he saw a ghost. “Bakit ka nandito?”

“Jihoon…” pagtawag ni Soonyoung kahit na nanginginig ang kanyang mga labi sa kakaiyak. Kapansin-pansin sa mugto nitong mga mata ang tila pagmamakaawa na tapusin na lamang ang lahat ng sakit.

“Soonyoung, during the past months, I have fallen deeply in love with you.” Sabi ng boses mula sa recording. Sobrang pamilyar kay Jihoon ang mga linyang iyon, and when he realized what was playing, he immediately tried to find kung saan ito nagpplay. He knew he had to stop it because if Soonyoung would hear what he said, it would just break them even more. But he was too late. “Please give me the chance to be your boyfriend.”

“TANGINA BAKIT KA BA KASI NANGINGIALAM NG GAMIT KO? GET OUT!” Nagulat si Soonyoung sa pgsigaw ni Jihoon. Pero mas nagulat si Jihoon sa biglang pagyakap sa kanya ni Soonyoung. He was holding him so tight na parang he did not want to let him go ever.

“Usap tayo please.” Soonyoung managed to say in the middle of his sobs-- his sobs that made Jihoon’s heart so weak.

“Wag mo naman gawin sa’kin ‘to, Soonyoung.” Sinubukan ni Jihoon na kumalas mula kay Soonyoung ngunit lalo lang nitong hinigpitan ang yakap.

“Don’t quit music. Kahit yun lang. Kahit wag mo na akong mahalin ulit.”

_Ulit?_ Jihoon for sure never stopped loving Soonyoung. Kaya nya nga pinalaya, eh. “Who said I stopped?”

Napabitaw si Soonyoung sa pagkakayakap nya kay Jihoon. “Ikaw. Kaya mo nga ako tinutulak palayo, di ba?”

Jihoon sighed. “Umamin na si Wonwoo. Di mo na ‘ko kailangan. Sya naman talaga mahal mo eh.”

“Pucha naman. That was before you came into my life, Jihoon. I turned him down kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na ikaw na yung mahal ko. And besides, he doesn’t really love me. That was just a short period of fear of committing to Mingyu. Naayos na namin at alam namin sa sarili namin na bestfriends lang talaga kami. The only person who owns his heart is Mingyu. And the one who owns mine… is you. I’m breaking without you, Jihoon. My whole world is falling apart. Please come back.”

And that was Jihoon’s turning point. All the facade of being strong, of having moved was crushed by Soonyoung’s words. Mahal nya pa rin. Mahal pa rin sya. Bakit pa nila pahihirapan yung mga sarili nila?

“Binabawi ko na yung sinabi ko nung nasa ElYu tayo.”

“Huh? Which one? Your promise?” Soonyoung panicked but he prepared himself for another heartbreak. Baka nga totoo na na wala nang feelings si Jihoon para sa kanya.

“No, not that.” Jihoon smiled. Oh god, Soonyoung missed that smile so much. “Love is not overrated. It’s as beautiful as they said it was. The rainbows, the butterflies. Even the cuts and scars inside my heart. But you know what made love even more beautiful? It’s you, Soonyoung. I love you too.” And that’s when he pulled Soonyoung closer to kiss him, a kiss na sobrang tagal nya nang gustong ibigay.

At ito na nga. Ito na nga ang panahon ng pagpapalaya sa kanilang mga puso. Ito na nga ang pagkakataon para sa kanilang dalawa. Ito na. Wala nang makapipigil sa kanila.


End file.
